Acknowledging the Past and Romanticizing the Present

Time is hard to comprehend as someone who lost the first year of college and is approaching senior year. My graduating class lost our first year due to COVID. I was lucky enough to be on campus for the spring of 2021 and even with the extra semester, time feels like a blur. It’s overwhelming to think that I’ve really only been here for two full years while starting to look at grad school applications. 

There’s an odd, bittersweet feeling when I see newer classes being able to enjoy their 4 years here. It makes me happy to know that the first-years on my team are getting the experience that I never got, but at times, it makes me wonder what would have been different. 

When acknowledging what I lost, I refuse to let myself forget what I might have never gained. I know that I would have many good memories, but I wouldn’t have that bond with others who went through the same thing I did or I might not know them at all. I wouldn’t have even met my best friend and teammate for another year if not for COVID changing our plans because we would have been abroad in opposite semesters. 

I owe it to myself to enjoy and romanticize all the good parts of my life here, big and small. If I only focus on my major successes, I will miss everything good around me.  I owe it to myself to stay up late with my closest friends, go to the nearest farmers market just because it’s nice out, take pictures of the sunrises I see every morning after 6 AM lift at Kuch, pick wildflowers with my teammates at track meets, and watch an obscene amount of reality TV with my roommate in between our homework.

Still, even now, I look back and wish I would have done more things last year when I had the chance. I know that once I graduate, my good memories will outweigh the what-ifs, and that’s all I can really ask for.